Posts Tagged ‘short-story love crazy schizophrenia depression forgiveness atonement’

This is ridiculous Andrew. Stop accusing me of cheating. I did nothing but being loyal to you all this years. And please stop already with your silence attitude. I am not a guinea pig which you can only observe in daily basis. I am a fucking living human being. Speak to me. For God sake, speak to me.

How was your breakfast Lisa?

Dry, plain, this hotel is just shit. All their foods are tasteless. Why we need to stay here anyway? Can we just check out tonight? We can spend the night somewhere else. It doesn’t need to be fancy. It can be anywhere, I don’t care. I’ll do anything that you want, even the craziest thing you can possibly imagine. I promise. I don’t need anything Andrew. I surely don’t. I just need you. But a tongue friendly food would not hurt, right? Would you at least do that for me? I am craving for caviar and a good white wine. And somehow they don’t serve that here. How dare they call themselves a hotel? Hotel is just a hut until they serve a decent bottle of wine. Isn’t that what you have always told me?

But I heard you enjoy the egg. It was fried but not scrambled, just like how you wanted.

Stop it Andrew. STOP IT. I am losing my patience. You cannot treat me this way anymore. You cannot torture me in a circle of agony. What else do you want from me? What I need to do to make you believe in me again? I miss you Andrew. I miss the old times. Those times when this bizarre coldness and distance we have now did not exist. Can we please put everything behind us? Can we just start new? I deserve that Andrew. YOU KNOW I DESERVE THAT. I did a lot for you. I sacrificed a lot for you.

Do you feel better today Lisa? I mean in general. The sun shines bright today. I hope the weather makes you feel better. You cried a lot the last time we met.

And it’s your fault. It’s all your fault. And what kind of question is that? And why mentioning weather all of a sudden? Don’t act Dutch on me right now. I am so not in the mood. And I am now angry. Really angry. You better explain to me now, why are you so persistent with this coldness mood around me. I can’t stand it. I really can’t stand it.

I heard you mentioned Jason in your sleep.

Oh so that’s the issue. Jason… again… I can’t believe it. I mean I know why that becomes our issue. But come on Andrew, I thought we already behind this. I am tired arguing about Jason. He is not between us, believe me.

You’re married to him. Ten years.

Yes. But you know that since the first time we met.  I told you all reasons why I can’t leave him, at least not in this mean time. I had told you everything since the first time I spent the night with you. And you say you are fine with that. Jason barely touched me. How many times I should tell you that? Yes we live under one roof. Yes we are still married. But I disgust him Andrew. I just know it from the way he stares at me. Since I lose our first daughter. Since I have that damn miscarriage. Damn Jason… I am just a garbage for him. But still, he doesn’t want to let me go. He tortured me. And you are my savior. You make me feel alive.

Lisa raises from her bench and hugs Andrew tight. She cries her heart out. She never cries that much in her life before. She loves him that much, there is simply no better reason to cry that much and smile at the same time. At least, that is what she believe.

Hold me tight Andrew. Tighter. Touch me. I miss being touched by you. Don’t go away from me. Don’t walk away like that coward Jason does to me. I beg you. Please. Pretty please. I’ll do anything. I promise. I am not kidding. I am yours. I love you so much Andrew. Don’t you love me, Andrew? Don’t you?

Yes, Lisa. I do. I miss you so much. So much till it hurts. I am sorry. So sorry for everything.

I will kill him Andrew. I will do that. I will prove how precious you are to me. I am willing to do that. I don’t care anymore. I want to be with you.

How long have you been thinking to kill him actually?

I don’t know. I think I have been thinking about it too much till I forgot when I did actually start. I hate him a lot Andrew. I hate him for a lot of reasons. I think there are just too many reasons, until I forgot which is actually initiate my thought of killing him. I want him dead now, and somehow the rest is just not matter anymore. It manifest as the utmost happiness ever in my life. You know, seeing him dead. Laying on the floor, drenching in blood. Begging for mercy. That son of a bitch deserves it, a slow painful death.

Don’t you remember your old times with him? You did ever love him right?

I guess I did. He used to be so sweet. He cooked my breakfast every morning. I am so not good with waking up early. You know that already. But I forgot other good things about him. I remember that I ever love him, but I forgot for what reason. I forgot the essence of it. The question why. Why I fall for him at the first place.

Did you always believe that you need no reason to fall in love?

Hahahahahaha…. don’t make me laugh Andrew. You need those reasons. Without reasons everything will be shaky, will be easy to erase. But I have all the reasons in the world to love you Andrew. You makes me feel alive, feel safe, and not to mention feel good. About everything, and about myself.

They hug. He kiss her forehead and hold her tighter. He wants time to freeze. He wish to hold her like this forever.

Excuse me, I am sorry to bother. But Ms. Randall needs to take his medication.

Oh, that is fine.

Nurse, please take Ms. Randall back inside.

It’s okay Lisa. We will meet again soon. I need to talk to him for a while. I still need to finish my work if you want us to go to a better hotel.

You promise Andrew?

Yes Lisa. I promise. You believe me, right?

The nurse slowly pulls Lisa from him. He stares at her with love, with every single pieces left in his heart.

So Mr. Randall, as you can see there has been no significant progress with your wife condition.

Please Doctor, call me Jason. Yes, regarding my wife, I can see that. But I believe that she will get better. Please let me know if I can help more. I can visit her more often.

I am sorry Mr. Randall, I mean Jason. But isn’t it hard for you that she sees you as Andrew instead of who you are? You are allowed to visit her less frequent. I can understand how everything is hard for you to handle.

Hm… I guess it is hard after all. My wife got crazy after accidentally killing her secret lover with my pistol when she intended to call me at the first place. But I don’t mind actually. My wife may call me with whatever name she wants, as long she feels happy with it. I owe her that much. And I also love her that much. No matter how stupid or crazy it may seems.

But why? Oh… I am sorry. I am being unprofessional.

No Doctor. I don’t mind. Probably I feel guilty more than I feel angry. Or probably I just don’t know how to be alone… but I know for sure that I don’t know how to leave her alone… Probably at this moment you are wondering… who’s crazy… To be honest, sometimes I think the answer is me…