Archive for the ‘Burst of inspiration’ Category

Being accepted is great, being rejected is sad… but being asked to wait… is definitely… cruel

Come on… admit it that I am right this time. No one enjoys to wait, although waiting sometimes is the only thing you can do, especially here in Indonesia, but that will not change the fact that being asked to wait is… nonetheless cruel.

Let’s play with examples. Imagine you recently find a bravery to tell someone what you truly feel for her/him, tell her/him that you wanna spend your life with them. Afterward she/he tells you to wait, like “Oh my God. I cannot answer now, will you give me time to think?” That sounds quite fine, but after you definitely feels the deep wheel of waiting, I am sure you will then change your mind… It sucks indeed.

Let’s play another unromantic example, you recently heard a new position that will be perfect for your career ahead, you are invited to join the interview, they tell you that you kinda fit the position, but you need to wait. Since the list is long and they need to have a meeting with higher board to decide whether you are perfect or not for that certain position.

Let’s move to a simpler example. You already made an appointment last night to meet someone at a certain place in the morning. But then she does not show up, then you need to wait. Waiting… yes… doing nothing but waiting.

What makes waiting is so… i can’t put it in an even better word… cruel?

No, i think it is not about how long it is nor what you are waiting for. It is because waiting is a mixed-up period where you build your hope higher and higher then destroy it (or bomb it) when it becomes too high and seems impossible to happen anymore.  This cycle keeps on going on and on and seems endless until the answer comes. Now you see how terrible it is.

Let’s applied to wait on the last example that I wrote above. While you are waiting for that certain someone, you keeps on building hope that she will finally come, she probably just traps in a traffic, wakes up late, or she has another more important thing to do. But after several minutes or hours, your mind shifts, you start to think that she probably hates you, do not want to see you, or even worse you are the one who comes late. Then you again try to re-ensure yourself that those negative things are just impossible, she is just late. And the cycle goes on.

So people is basically cruel, since we tend to make other people wait. Sometimes we do it on purpose, sometimes we just don’t have anymore options. Why we do not start saying no… if we feel like it, and yes… if we feel it fits. And if we really need to make someone waits, then please remember this article… No one deserves to be in this pity cycle (building and destroying hopes continuously), then you will stop making them wait for too long.

I recently had this waiting period, it passed for months, and finally the answer for me was no. I was sad, of course, since I wanted it kinda badly, but I regretted the waiting period, not the answer afterward. I regretted on how tired I was being fixated on that uncertainty period. I wanted to forget that I was still waiting for something, yet the thought of it kept on coming at night, when I was alone, or simply when I had nothing important to do. Of course I understand that I need to work on my feeling in handling those waiting periods, since that probably will not be the last, though I hope I do not need to pass that terrible feeling again. However, will it be better if everybody starts to stop asking to wait? Being rejected is indeed sad, but please… don’t ask me to wait, since being asked to wait is cruel.



Posted: December 22, 2010 in Burst of inspiration

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive Work from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life!

Stay Healthy!!



I have been wanting to write this article for a long time. The idea came up when I was in my internal medicine rotation, in one morning, one of my friend Ratna, told us what had happened to her when she did her night shift duty. There was a young patient, probably 16, came with (if I am not mistaken) vomiting symptoms, looking pale and kinda cried a lot. All the family members were there, kinda circling her, some looks worried, some looks bothered. My friend suspected fishy thing had been going, so she told all the family members to wait outside, she closed the curtain, and basically just persuaded her to tell the truth. And there she was telling that she was just committing a suicide, since she fell in love with her boyfriend a lot but her family did not give her any approval since he was actually her cousin (or nephew… kinda confused with this family term vocab).

I am not shocked, indeed when I heard this story I kinda traced back to my own past and how I considered some parts of it were funny, weird, peculiar, extreme, and stuff. Anyway, as I ever mentioned in my previous article, I do believe young mind is a dangerous one. I guess in the end, that is exactly what makes high school kinda semi-jungle environment, where every unexpected thing might happen. Sometimes, if we look again our high school period, we surprised how our friend or maybe ourselves could have done certain things. Sometimes they were good, but if we put a global thought and closure on it, we probably found more bad stuff.

Back to the title… Young mind is a dangerous one…

Young mind is a vulnerable form that opened up access to every entity one could have found in their path of life. It’s vulnerability somehow induce exaggeration to every single thing… not every time, but mostly on every depressed state.  This example I would like to show you on exaggeration somehow match if you watch current issue in Indonesian teenage psychology, the number of suicide somehow raised over the roof (to be honest, I can’t provide you the statistic… So, it might not really that over the roof, but it surely got more media exposure lately).

As I ever mentioned in my previous article titled ‘Hope Kills’, exaggeration in youngsters can be easily exemplified like this: when you have failed your test… you wanna die, when you got bullied… you wanna die, when your spouse break up on you… you wanna die… or for some of tend-to-be-future-psychopath… you want him/her to die.

Young mind can also relate with short vision. They have not seen the world enough, therefore they never think or want to think big enough upon something. This sort of stuff can somehow be found in some of our elderly group.

How we solve this?

First of all I think there are 3 main environments that played important rule in every youngsters life. Friends, Family, and School. I would like to discuss only School. I am not in the mood to write my Family and Friend point of view now. Oh, and some of you might also put religion as a part of environments I am talking here, but I also won’t discuss further about it. I see myself not an expert on stuff like that. I leave this one to any of you, my readers, who like to give a reply on this article.

I am sorry to say this, but I do believe our high school system somehow is at its edge. I personally felt 2 kinds of high school environment. I spent my junior in public school and senior in private school. If I need to compare both, I am really sorry to say, if it is all about self-improvement of the youngsters, I will definitely prefer my private school over my public school. Although, I cannot say I have no complains over my private school life.

I do trust that in order to banish narrow-minded-which-induced-over-exaggeration-of-simple-stuff-in-life, broadening vision and better self-understanding are a MUST.

Of course every teacher in school will need to take a part on this, but I will focus more on Counseling teacher (which we used to call BK or BP in Indonesia). It is actually their main job to boost up confidence of the children and protect them from negative thoughts. A suicide victim, in my perspective, is the biggest failure of counseling teacher.

I remember of my junior and senior high school period, self-understanding or broadening vision were somehow not existed, or if it existed, it was not effective. I and my friends always thought counseling hours as fun hours (it should be) and time to do anything, relaxing, talking, or simply do nothing. That is the wrong part of it.

Counseling hour is supposed to be used as an exploration hours. A time to dig down our personality. This period of time should be used as a way for teachers or students themselves to understand more about themselves. Young mind is a stranger even for its owner. They seems to know what they want and they mostly fight bluntly for this, yet it is sometimes not the best for them, and in the end they ended up regretting. Besides that, it is also a must to provide various views to students on what is in the outside worlds. I think it will really help for youngsters to know that world is a place with unlimited probabilities. If you can dream it, you can reach it. Therefore they will put suicide as a bottom choice to pick or even better… they will delete it forever.

Young mind is a stranger even for its owner

I am not saying this thing will be easy. It will be hard for sure. That is why I also thought a certain charisma is also a must for counseling teacher. Somehow all stuff above need to be given lightly but still effective.

So, what do you think? Got any baggage in high school time you’d like to share?

There are 4 singers that I know I will adore, maybe for all time: Bruno Mars, Daniel Merriweather, Pixie Lott, and Jason Mraz. Since their sense of music, somehow for me, is at different level compared to other artists.

But now, I am going to talk about spontaneity in love. And I write this since I am inspired by Bruno Mars’ song, titled ‘Marry You’. I think this song caught me right at the opening part:

It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you.

The opening part i wrote above for me is kinda shocking. The beat is awesome and the song, wholly, is simply sounds great (at least for me, if you’re not with me it’s fine, I am not writing on that anyway). However, for anyone who enjoyed this song much and have read the lyric carefully, do you notice that the meaning is somehow weird? Especially when it reached this part

If we’re gonna wake up, and you wanna break up, that’s cool… No I won’t blame you… coz it’s fun girl…

This song reminds me of Britney Spears and Nikki Hilton’s marriage issues. They married for several hours or minutes (kinda forget) and anyone keeps on judging on how ugly they had acted. I personally had no issue against Britney or Nikki (I believe that everyone has freedom to do whatever they want with their life, and since I do not know both of them real close, I have no rights to judge them with anything). Anyway, responses of people on love’s spontaneity somehow easily shifted when they heard Bruno Mars sang this song. Hm… what’s wrong with people nowadays… It is somehow being a hypocrite is easier than lying…

Love’s Spontaneity…

Anyway, I am wondering how most of you foresee spontaneity in love? Again, when we talk about love, as I ever wrote before… the meaning will be very individual… differs between one person with others. If I once again, found a person (mostly girls I believe) who thinks “Romanticism is all about spontaneity” then I will laugh… Oh, I am not going to object, but I will literally laugh.

Have u ever watched a movie (damn, forget the title) where the male lead actor propose on his spouse while driving a car at the end of the movie?

Male: Honey, will you marry me?

Female: What? Only that? You propose me like that?

Male: (shocked) You said I need to be more spontaneous. This is me spontaneously asking you to marry me. You said romantic things came from spontaneous thing.

Female: Oh, crap. Farting is spontaneous, and none of it is romantic.

The last line before the closure (end of the movie) simply killed me with laughter:

Farting is spontaneous, and none of it is romantic.

Personally, if you are a kind of person that love to read a book about live, self-improvement, semi-psychological stuff and so on. And you find a chapter on a relationship, then you read a part where it encourages you to be more spontaneous in order to be more romantic… but you do not find a further explanation about it, you better just throw the book to trash bag (or return it if its too expensive to throw away). Since farting is spontaneous, and none of it is romantic.

My perspective upon this would be that people (in love matters) would like something beautiful and sometimes for some people you can simply specify it into “unpredictably beautiful” This is when spontaneity walks in. I guess some people interpret it in a whole wrong way, “unpredictably beautiful” is not necessarily correlate with spontaneity. Sometimes it requires a lot of planning, thinking, and funding. Back to my title for this article (I just love the title) farting is cheap, need no thinking process, definitely no funding required, and completely spontaneous… and you see none of this relate well with “unpredictably beautiful”.

I hate to admit I am not really that good in doing romantic things… I am good with planning, imagining, and stuff (judging from my novelist side) but not with implementing it. Well, never need to do that till now but still, I guess I am that type of person. But my point is, do you really need it? I mean all the “unpredictably beautiful” stuff. Well, if your spouse is so gifted in creating those stuff and you like to enjoy it, everything will be fine, but if your spouse basically just a plain person who directly said what is in his/her mind, would that be a torture for your spouse and yourself?

Once again, I realize that everyone might has different opinion when it comes to love. I personally think that people should shift their perspective of “unpredictably beautiful” with honesty. Saying “I love you” with all your heart, when you meet your spouse on street for me is enough. It is already the best “unpredictably beautiful” thing ever existed in love. Why can it be that simple? Why expensive stuff and exaggeration on love’s spontaneity really matters for you when you are simply in love? Because I think it is not supposed to be like that.

I adore genuine stuff, something that comes from heart… though cheap, simple, and easy to do… as long as I know it comes from her heart when I see her eyes… is unpredictably beautiful.

First of all, before you judge me based on the title I like to admit… yes this writing is gonna be cheesy, lovestruck, too easy to digest, and so on. So if you need to digest a harder kinda reading material then PLEASE… I welcome you to click “back arrow” at the top left of your screen. Then you can come back when you catch reading constipation and in need of something light for your brain to chew.

I am not an expert on a tiny-haunting-confusing-exaggerated vocab called love, and that is the second thing I would like all of you to know. However, if being a novelist is the same with being a doctor, then I like to declare that love story is definitely my specialization. I never had any serious love-relationship in my life, but judging from stories I heard, I read, and I wrote… let’s say I am pretty good at it.

So this article is inspired by my senior, Santoso who is recently wrote a comment on Rahajeng’s (my other senior) status. He wrote: “If you met someone then you got shaky and sweating all over your body, then it means like not love…” He claimed that he got it from a philosophy lecture he recently followed.

Thanks God I am not in that lecture, since I might going to have a pretty long conversation (or argumentation in a more harsh way… or debate in a more realistic way…) if I were there. You may agree or disagree on what I am about to write in here. I only offer you a perspective that somehow I currently believe in.

Love… like… whatever the word you like to use is basically the same word. All you need to pay attention is not what word your spouse use to express his/her feeling for you. You have to know what he/she meant by saying it. You see, love, like, and etc belongs to a group that I would like to call as an “individual words.” Since these words can be defined in a hundred kind of things, or probably even more. My point is everybody got their own definition of love. Some of you got the same definitions but still if you take a global look on, for example: love, then the meaning is just too various to conclude. Therefore… I choose not to define this word for others. I know what love is in my definition. However, I will not bluntly think that everyone has the same definition with me, when it comes to love. I hope you get my words so far.

Let’s go back to what Santoso’s wrote. I will show you how my theory also works the other way around. Now, imagine you are looking at a man that looks shaky, sweating all over his body in front of a woman. If this happened, Santoso might call it ‘like’, Rahajeng might want to call it ‘excitement’ (whatever it means), some of you might call it ‘love’, while I want to call it ‘suspect fever with diarrhea, that needs a toilet less than 5 minutes from now.’ I hope you are still with me now. So, you see what I mean right…

Next time, when you face a person saying… “I like you” or “I love you” do not get excited yet. Take your time and asked for further explanation, by asking “Define me love… or like… or crush… or buttermelt (or whatever stupid words they might use)”. Except if you girls are dating Bruno Mars, then you might as well directly believe that he will take a grenade for you… But that’s Bruno Mars, believe me not everyone like to be blown up for their loves one… shot maybe but blown up that is other thing… got it?

Okay… it might be a little derailed… but I need to make a good closure for this article. However, writing this article reminds me of my own words (oh my God, I think I am truly narcissistic) a long time ago to my best friend, Tetsu.

Words may impress her… but actions speaks louder…

I left my blog untouched for a pretty long time. I can say I am busy, but well I have to admit that I have a bit doubt or whatever you wanna call it on things that I would like to write publicly… Hey, who cares on my kinda turn-upside-down-thought-on-life…

The idea of writing this article came up when I watch Glee Season 2 Episode 3. Yes… okay… though sometimes hard to admit… I am a gleek. Hate the story, hate some of the characters, but still not able to stop watching it.

Hope KILLS… This is what I had in mind when I am in High School… Yes that rough life named high school, for those who had black period on that point of life (I think most of people had) raise your hand (well… you do not need to do it literally, but you know what I mean). And this thought grew even deeper by the time I entered college life (well we directly go to university here in Indonesia, well at least that is what I know). This thought on how Hope KILLS somehow feels like a virus. It stayed in my DNA and followed me around, while kept on reminding me not to hope too much on anything… And somehow after years of living with it, I had enough, so I put my natural killer cells boosted up and destroyed cells that have a genetic material of ‘Hope KILLS’ virus inside it… Well I am not healed perfectly by now, considering the nature of virus… some of it might still stay without me knowing it.

HOPE KILLS….!?!?!?!

This was not just a belief that I kept for myself in years… This was a thought or later on had grown into belief that I shared with some of my friends in school. Okay, first of all I do think that high school is a period when our mind sort of exaggerate a lot stuff. As if for example: when your girlfriend dumped you… you wanna die, when you were not passing your final test… you wanna die, when your teacher got mad and put detention on you… you want him to die, and so on… So right now, after I put a profound thought on it (hm… the word profound seems heavy… yeah as long as it fit I am fine with it), it seems make sense. I mean a high school mind is a dangerous mind. It is so vulnerable… It burst easily when it excited, it crack easily when you dropped it, hm… and it kinda addicted easily when you put cocaine on it. Anyway, the point is my friends and I, back then shared a belief that the higher you build your hope on something… the bigger the pain will occur. So, with a very easy rationalization process… we conclude that in order to protect your heart from hurting… then simply stop hoping (right now I think from the way we extracted this conclusion back then was basically really stupid).

Yes, for those who realize it… At that time being we blamed hope… When there was a suicide case of a broken-hearted student, we blamed his hope… He was hoping too much to his girls or vice versa, and most of all he definitely hope too much on love…. Then, when we found a student got stressed out after failing a competition, we again blamed hope… It was because he hoped too much on what he had tried…. We centered our mind on the word hope… and somehow turned it into a blacksheep and shifted it into an ugly thing that we should never put too much attention.

Well I have passed that period and would like to share it to my readers. Sue Sylvester said on Glee “Asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting isn’t a moral thing to do.” It put me to realization that at that period of my past, my friends and I had pictured every single hope as a fantasy… which made us into a pessimist without we even realized it. I somehow began not to trust myself, and put depression on other depressions just like a sandwich made every morning.

What is wrong with hoping? Surely there is nothing wrong with it. Then why we need to be afraid on it? Hope not kills… Blame it to your immature self defense mechanism (psychologically speaking), but let’s not put your blame on hope. Hope is bright genuine thing. When you lost everything that you believe… when you were at the lowest state of your life… when you were thinking that you can no longer moving on… only HOPE… that give you the power to still be living day by day… However a fantasy it is, a hope still able to pull your leg straighten up and make you walking through another bitter day. So why we don’t we center more on this face of hope.

I write this for those people who’s right now living in a dark phase of hating hope…

Sometimes… hoping is the only gun you need to walk through your pain… so never let go of it… since who knows… you might need to pull the trigger now and then…

I am a novelist that recently working on my 4th novel. My new novel is a multiple characters novel with multiple lines of stories, and of course with multiple problems emerge at the same time.

One of my character is a woman who has her man confess bluntly that he is cheating with another man. The women, lets call her P, really mad and stated that “I’d rather have you cheat with another woman, since then I will be able to fight for your love. But I will not have a chance to win your heart if a person like me, a woman, is not even visible for your heart.”

I thought this line of story is realistic enough. I had consulted it with several girls that continuously followed up on my novels so far. They were not objected with this part of story. Until yesterday, I met M, my supervisor in internal medicine department, and he told story about one of his patient, a man with HIV (+). This man had a wife. It was hard for M to try exploring risk factors from the patient, since he performed himself as a very religious person. Then M shifted his strategy, he explored the probable risk factors from his patient’s wife. An unexpected fact emerged, she admit that his husband was having an affair with his male best friend.

What interesting for me is the fact that she remain faithful. She explained that although she was mad to her husband, she could accept his apology, since she knew it was impossible for his husband to marry his best-friend. She did not have to worry of getting a divorce or sharing his husband. I bet Indonesian culture play a distinct role in this matter. But still, her perspective shock me as a novelist, since I never think that this kind of perspective is exist.

An affair is of course hated by any woman. But if indeed your man is having an affair, which one will you choose, to have your man cheating with a woman or with another man…



PS: comments are really expected, I foresee it as a good input for my ongoing novel.