Being asked to wait… is cruel

Posted: February 5, 2011 in Burst of inspiration

Being accepted is great, being rejected is sad… but being asked to wait… is definitely… cruel

Come on… admit it that I am right this time. No one enjoys to wait, although waiting sometimes is the only thing you can do, especially here in Indonesia, but that will not change the fact that being asked to wait is… nonetheless cruel.

Let’s play with examples. Imagine you recently find a bravery to tell someone what you truly feel for her/him, tell her/him that you wanna spend your life with them. Afterward she/he tells you to wait, like “Oh my God. I cannot answer now, will you give me time to think?” That sounds quite fine, but after you definitely feels the deep wheel of waiting, I am sure you will then change your mind… It sucks indeed.

Let’s play another unromantic example, you recently heard a new position that will be perfect for your career ahead, you are invited to join the interview, they tell you that you kinda fit the position, but you need to wait. Since the list is long and they need to have a meeting with higher board to decide whether you are perfect or not for that certain position.

Let’s move to a simpler example. You already made an appointment last night to meet someone at a certain place in the morning. But then she does not show up, then you need to wait. Waiting… yes… doing nothing but waiting.

What makes waiting is so… i can’t put it in an even better word… cruel?

No, i think it is not about how long it is nor what you are waiting for. It is because waiting is a mixed-up period where you build your hope higher and higher then destroy it (or bomb it) when it becomes too high and seems impossible to happen anymore.  This cycle keeps on going on and on and seems endless until the answer comes. Now you see how terrible it is.

Let’s applied to wait on the last example that I wrote above. While you are waiting for that certain someone, you keeps on building hope that she will finally come, she probably just traps in a traffic, wakes up late, or she has another more important thing to do. But after several minutes or hours, your mind shifts, you start to think that she probably hates you, do not want to see you, or even worse you are the one who comes late. Then you again try to re-ensure yourself that those negative things are just impossible, she is just late. And the cycle goes on.

So people is basically cruel, since we tend to make other people wait. Sometimes we do it on purpose, sometimes we just don’t have anymore options. Why we do not start saying no… if we feel like it, and yes… if we feel it fits. And if we really need to make someone waits, then please remember this article… No one deserves to be in this pity cycle (building and destroying hopes continuously), then you will stop making them wait for too long.

I recently had this waiting period, it passed for months, and finally the answer for me was no. I was sad, of course, since I wanted it kinda badly, but I regretted the waiting period, not the answer afterward. I regretted on how tired I was being fixated on that uncertainty period. I wanted to forget that I was still waiting for something, yet the thought of it kept on coming at night, when I was alone, or simply when I had nothing important to do. Of course I understand that I need to work on my feeling in handling those waiting periods, since that probably will not be the last, though I hope I do not need to pass that terrible feeling again. However, will it be better if everybody starts to stop asking to wait? Being rejected is indeed sad, but please… don’t ask me to wait, since being asked to wait is cruel.

  1. Multatuli says:

    I think the cruelest thing is to ask us to wait as if there are still possibilities. We are unaware, but decisions have been made for us, and the waiting was only for a show. It was already decided since the very beginning, we were made to believe that we had to wait 🙂

  2. cis says:

    You express thought and convey ideas smoothly, as always.. but maybe.. “cruel” is too strong to describe it.. 🙂

    Waiting is not always bad, actually. It turns bad when we hope too much for the thing we wait.. Just like you said in the previous blogpost, the “hope kills” one; while we know, hope gives us strength, but putting too much trust in it can be catasthropic..
    So, realizing that anything can happen, dealing with the uncertainty gracefully, is all that we can do.. To not clinging too much to the hope offered by waiting..

    Still, it is indeed not a pleasant thing to be left to wait.. However, I try to assure myself that we can always choose our attitude towards it, maybe by adjusting our hope, set it lower, or pursue other purposes in life.. 🙂 it is to respond proportionally.. Even though in the process of this adjustment we may be too involved emotionally..

    (lhaah kok dadi dhowo men komennya..)

    • Wids says:

      Cis… ‘being asked to wait’ is cruel… It is just the way it is, no exaggeration in it at all. If you thing this word is too strong, what would you suggest to replace it? I am not sure you can come up with another better idea…
      And I do realize that sometimes we makes someone wait not by intention, but still it did not change any cruelty revolve around it. ‘Homo Homini Lupus’ and ‘Only someone that you love can hurt you into the next level’ seems to fit in this description.
      But we can always decide whether we want to wait or not… for this part I agree with you. I won’t wait although someone asks me to. Since if there’s a better choice come to me during the waiting period, I will surely grab it, since I do not want to stand in waiting period. Building hopes for something that is not even clarified whether it existed or not.

  3. cis says:

    hm, well.. it’s indeed more than unpleasant, then.. the only way to deal with it is to shift your priorities, rearrange it, and live peacefully… 😀

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